8/31/24, 20:24 CST
something ive noticed myself is that i have a horrible time finishing literally anything. games ? yeah dont look at my huge list of games i need to continue playing (counted 18, as of writing). smaller projects ? oh dude theres practically a grave yard at this point ! call me peta cause.. nevermind. but, luckily no one except me have been excited for those small projects, so its not as much of a let down ! thats one of the good things about being a nobody outside of friends. school ? lets not talk about it.
ok but for real though, its a problem ! theres so many things ive started and been so insanely interested in but something just ends up... slipping. AND EVERYTHING ELSE SLIPS WITH IT !! best example i have for this is Someone Rises, a little (i wanted to make it big, i still do) writing project i started from being inspired by someone else's story. i wanted to make an interesting story too, and i thought i did make a good story. but.. i stopped writing. i didnt find myself coming to my computer and going "oh ! i really wanna write for someone rises !!" or if i did i didnt write much before moving on. AND THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM ! i liked Someone Rises, and i still do ! thats why i gave the story its on page on the oc section !! and for as much as i WANT to continue writing, i cant locate my motivation, and i havent been able to for months. maybe because i havent tried, maybe because i just have some sort of deep emotions about stuff. who knows ! i sure dont !
despite how much of an annoyance this whole thing is i feel like it can sometimes be nice too. if i dont feel like somethings done enough i will quite literally work myself dry UNTIL its done enough. thats what im doing with the website. i do worry it might become.. bloated, with 5 buttons at the top of the screen at all times, like maybe thats too many ? maybe 4 was a magical number, but 6 ? i know for a fact thats too much. wont look pretty and 6 buttons in 1000 pixels will not come out pretty. im getting off topic though ! the good thing is that im actually getting this site done. i made it PRESENTABLE i made it WORK i have it in a state where i can polish and add small details ! and for the most part, im happy with it. it was rushed in a few places, and im working on redoing some parts (as of writing) but when im done it'll be better than ever !
i think the best part about this site is... its mine ! its all mine. ive coded this thing from the ground up. its different compared to my carrd from a few years ago. sure, i liked that carrd. it was nice ! i made it look nice and i found how to make it my own !! but.. truthfully, was it entirely mine ? i didnt code that. but now.. i've coded THIS !! (also, no shade for anyone who uses a carrd/strawpage/anything similar, im just sharing my own experiences !) and i LOVE WHAT IVE MADE !! ive never been more proud of something of mine. and the fact that people have looked at it is whats even crazier to me. almost 100 visitors ! in just a few weeks. i still cant believe it. so many eyes look at what IVE made talking about what I love !
maybe thats the best part about all of this. ive gotten to share what i love, and its read by people that love sharing what they love too. if someone has read this far, never forget to be you. please ! just be YOU. i know it sounds corny or cheesy or whatever but like its true ! this site has been born entirely from love. it is entirely me. i am no longer shameful of who i am (lie).
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